"You never get a second chance to make a first impression." How true this is when dealing with a bride. Understand that she is already worried about everything from her floral arrangements to convincing her Mom-in-law-to-be that hot pink is not a good choice for her complexion. She could really use a trustworthy/ professional person caring for her precious gown, and you could really use that trust to make your job easier.
To insure that you get things off on the right footing, sometime during the first phone call, ask the wedding date and check your calendar for conflicts. I keep a year-at-a-glance calendar for just this purpose. Explain that you are careful to make plenty of time to take care of a bridal customer's special needs. It's my policy to keep bride set least two weeks apart. This may be impossible to do for many of you, but I am only one person and I do have other obligations than just my brides. The point is that I do have a policy and it shows to the new bridal customer that I understand the importance of her occasion. If I do have to schedule brides back to back I'm going to block-out a 2 week buffer in front of them.
This means I may have to say "No" sometimes. That's much better than overloading yourself. But I don't like to leave the bride with no alternatives. I do my best to keep up with sewing professionals in my area. I keep up with what kind of work they do and what services they offer. By giving a confident referral, you not only help her, but start a good first impression for the referee.
Your first phone call impression should also give her the sense that you are in control of all the things she might not have thought of yet. It may help to make a list of points to discuss with a new bride and keep it by your phone. One of these should be to ask her about her shoes and undergarments. If she has already thought of these things praise her for her foresight. If she does happen to ask you something you have not put on your list, discuss it with her briefly and tell her you will make a note to figure it out with her in detail when she sees you for her first appointment. Then be sure to bring up the subject at the appointment.
Brides are not your normal customers. Give the sweet little girl next door a ring and a date and she is all starry eyed because her dreams are coming true, until she walks into your alteration salon with the most important garment of her young life, and you start teaching her what bridal alterations is all about. How quickly dreams can turn into nightmares for the both of you.
Luckily, there are a few easy things you can do to get off on the right footing with your new bridal customer. I've been making these a habit and they have served me well. Dealing with the "Princess for a Day" doesn't have to leave you tearing you hair out. Something as simple as the right mind set can save you and her a lot of head aches.
I don't want to imply here that brides are the only important customers you have. Certainly all your customers are individually important, but brides just need a little extra attention. I'm sure you want your reputation to show
that you treat every garment with care and do your very best job on even a simple hem. But as far as personal attention goes, you need to realize that a bride will automatically take up more time for everything from fittings to talking on the phone.
Once you have the proper bridal care mind set, you can start to understand how to handle all the challenges that will inevitably face you. Hopefully, you won't be facing everyone with every bride you see, but they will all crop up from time to time. After awhile you won't be so surprised when they happen and will have gained the finesse to handle each with patience and grace.
We've all heard this term before and seen videos on the internet of how obnoxious brides can get. I my 40-year career working with brides, I can say that this situation is by far the exception to the rule. In fact, I believe most bridezillas are created by the bridal industry. I’ve said in many places on this site that brides are special customers. They have a dream and a very important gown when they come to you for advice to help make that dream come true. If you either don’t have the skills or don’t understand what she is wanting, conflicts start, and a bridezilla can start emerging.
I have experienced only 1 bridal customer come close to becoming a bridezilla. It was about 20 years into my home alteration business, when a bride called me for the first time, and I started getting a zilla-vibe. She clearly stated some things she wanted that were not under my control. I told her I could help with these but alterations has it’s limits to what the gown’s construction offers. I made an appointment with her and wondered if this would turn into a tricky situation for me.
She arrived at the appointment with her dad, which was a surprise but totally fine with me for brides can bring a guest if they wish. Her mom had an unexpected conflict. We did the normal things I do at first fittings and discussed her special requests that included making the dress less of a strain on her back because she had recently had back surgery. Well, she had purchased a huge dress with a very long train, lots of crinoline and skirting, heavy beading on the bodice and everything that she should not have chosen with her back issue. I gave her some options, all of which she rejected. Somewhere in the discussion she intimated that her doctor advised her to not wear a big wedding dress, but it was her dream, so she was set on it. She would not consider wearing another, less elaborate dress for the reception. The only thing I could get her to accept is to take breaks during the day when she would take off the dress and give her body a rest from the strain.
She left and I considered the fitting a success. But the tide changed when the bridesmaids’ dresses arrived, and she called me to schedule their fittings. I had already instructed her that it is my policy to get direction from the bride for hem lengths ext., but then to deal with each maid directly and to do each fitting separately so I can give each the attention she deserves. She was insistent that she needed to see ALL the dresses lined up with hems pinned. Mind you - - - there were 6 maids, 3 junior maids, a maid of honor, a matron of honor and 2 flower girls! At the time, I had not created the nice fitting studio upstairs and was still using only my basement area for fittings. 13 women/girls and their moms was going to be A LOT for the space. I tried to explain the difficulty and that I could not give each person the proper attention with that big of a crowd, BUT SHE WAS INSISTANT. Against my better judgement, I agreed and set the date.
If I had insisted she follow her doctor’s recommendation and wait a year to get married while her body healed, I would have had my upstairs fitting studio finished and this whole debacle could have been avoided. But I was hopeful I could please her and she wasn’t being mean, just clear on her wishes, which I do encourage.
So the day of the mass fittings arrived and ladies started streaming in with various issues with their dresses. The bride arrived with her mom. I started assessing the dresses and found that several could not be zippered, so the first order of business was to let these out so I could pin the hems on all the dresses and line everyone up as the bride wished. As some of the younger girls stood around with their moms, holding their too-big dresses on and some others were trying on dresses I had quickly let out, in the fitting room at the bottom of the stairs. I was on the far end of the room working on letting out the last dress when a man came bopping down the stairs, peeked into the dressing room without knocking, then sauntered over to where the bride was sitting on the far side of the room. He greeted her with a kiss on the cheek and asked how things were going. As several of the young maids and their mom shot daggers at him, I turned around and asked what he thought he was doing??? He and the bride looked as me with utter surprise. I shoed him upstairs and returned to the astonished bride. She exclaimed, “Why’d you do that??”
Let me take a moment here to say I did NOT explain to her that one of my rules is not to have strange men at mass fittings sessions where many women would be in various states of undress. I had never had a mass fitting session, and I had no clue this might happen. It was obvious to me that the situation as totally unacceptable. I tried to calmly explain this to the bride who simply said, “But you allowed my Dad to be at my fitting”. - - - “OUGH !”, I thought, how stupid can 1 person be? I calmly said, “That was your private fitting, and you can bring anyone you like. Take a look around here.” The moms of the young, not totally dressed girls were showing horrified looks. “This is NOT acceptable in any realm of propriety”, I told her. She huffed but agreed that her “Honey” could stay upstairs.
About 2 hours later, all the dresses were pinned and the bride got to do her line-up. She and everybody else left happy, or so I thought. The next day, I had started work on the flower girls’ dresses so the moms could take them back to New York in 2 days, when the bride called. I thought she was calling to schedule the next fitting session and was surprised to have her inform me that her aunt would be coming later that day to collect ALL the dresses. SHE had found another seamstress that would respect her. “Hum”, I thought and “VERY COOL!” I finished the work on the 1 dress and removed all my pins from all the others. When the aunt arrived, she had the decency to apologize and thank me for handling the Groom invasion the night before. She offered to pay for the 1 dress I finished. I told her I could not accept because I didn’t want any way for the bride to sue me. We inspected every dress together and I had her sign a statement that they were all in excellent condition.
I was HAPPY to lose that customer. I did everything I could for her, even bending my rules, and she wasn’t going to be pleased. Some customers are like that, and we have to just accept it and move on.
added June 2010
Hi Leanna,
Thanks for your website, I think you have a lot of invaluable information for brides on it, In fact I’m considering printing it out and asking each bride who comes into my store to read it (the alterationspart). I have been selling bridals, and maids for 8 years in my small store and love almost every minute of it.
However in contrast to your bridal shopping advise, we have TONS of repeat clients, I have one maid who started buying maids gowns from me several years ago and has been in 4 weddings, she hasreferred me to each bride and I have done every one, now she is getting married and we have done herentire wedding, including both moms. Here is my problem, I don’t have hardly any bridezillas come in –but when it comes to alterations I simply cannot explain in enough English terms that they should expect alterations. I continually have irate mothers and maids who don’t understand that being flat chested and a bit “hippy” will result in alterations, even if you are a size 8.
I’m seriously considering selling my business because I put 190% into every bride and every maid, and having to deal with stressed out moms who believe I should pay for alterations is just getting exhausting. I also sew – and my mother was a tailor for 20 years and works with me in the business, so I am keenly aware of exactly what will need to be done with each dress. But no matter what I say – they smile and shake their head – until it arrives and is too big in the bust – or too big in the waist, then – I have made a mistake in their eyes.
Thanks for your words on alterations, it is ALMOST THE EXACT words I say about 10 times daily, but I am simply not listened to, I’m thinking about having an alterations agreement signed before I order maids gowns- maybe if they read it and sign it – they will remember what they agreed to and why we ordered and 8 and not a 4 for their daughter.
Thank You,
Naomi
Hi Naomi,
Thank you for your great comments from the other side of the isle. I have had stuff on my site from the bridalstore/alteration specialist viewpoint long before I had advice for brides, but it wasn't very popular I guess. Now that I have lots of resources for the bride's side of the process my site is very popular. I am hoping to use this popularity to educate both bridal stores and brides that the process of gown buying and altering is loaded with land mines for both the shop associates and their clients.
I think some of the things I write to brides is harsh, but like you have observed, they just don't listen to the store workers. I can say the same thing to them in an email and they seem to listen. My in-person brides are always understanding with my explanations, but I do get them after they have accepted the reality that alterations are necessary. I do occasionally get complaints that the bridal store person ordered the wrong size. I occasionally agree, but more often I have to teach them the measuring and ordering process (that I know darn well was
explained to them at the store) and why the size they have was correctly ordered. I have written about sizing and explained about the difference between custom made and special order, but maybe I need to write a page called, "Why did I end up needing alterations?". What do you think?
Leanna
Wow! you are so right on. Even though you said the difference between a custom and special order, it just does not matter. The customers who had me so upset last week when I wrote, her dress was 1.5" too large at the bustand fit through the waist. A seamstress (not mine) told her she would have to re-make the entire dress because the princess seams at the bust would be over too far. It was ridiculous. I finally convinced her to take the dress to my independent seamstress who works for my store and it was a $25 alteration! my seamstress laughed the whole time she talked to me about it. I explained that we had to order to size chart and not cut to her measures but she just couldn't process what I was saying. I'm not sure why the other seamstress tried to milk her for another $100+ on alterations on her $95 maid gown, but it sure ruined my week!
You go girl! Glad to have someone speaking the truth on the net!
Naomi
added June 2009
Dear Leanna,
Thank you so much for your sharing your wisdom and experience! You have given a wonderful gift to so many, and I really appreciate it. I just bought your bustle video and it is very useful. The level of detail for sewing on the rigging is very helpful.
I have sewn garments since a child, and I worked for about 2 years part time as a seamstress in an independent bridal/formal shop while in grad. School, 15 years ago. That owner/shop pretty much didonly ballroom bustles, and that is basically all I knew about til now in bustling. I have continued to sew garments and do alterations for family and friends but have not worked on bridal gowns since that time.
I have a bridal hemming/bustle question. I have been asked to do Alterations for the July wedding of a daughter of acquaintances through my church.
The dress is Mori Lee by Madeline Gardner Voyage/Destination 6144. Based on measurements, the bride was told to purchase a sz 4. In reality, the Bodice was large and I had to take it in 3" total on sides and taper to lower bodice, in the beaded area. The bride loves the fit now, and I am now to the hem.
The skirt train consists of two separate layers: chiffon over satin with horsehair braid in hem ofsatin. The dress front needs to be hemmed 6 inches. The bride wants it just about "on the floor", shethought 1" off the floor was too high. I pinned satin at 1/2" off floor and she liked it. She wants chiffonjust slightly longer than the satin. With the dress on her, I marked the chiffon with pencil where the bridewanted the hem. The bride said she does not want the side seams hemmed at all, so our agreement is totaper the 6" hem over to the side seams. I have not hemmed this type of bridal dress before, and amconcerned about it. I used a rolled hemmer in the distant past on dresses, but have upgraded machines inthe past year, and to be honest, at this point I am not confident enough in using the one I have now to do this exact of a hem with so little room for error on this, where the plain drapey chiffon is really the interestat the front hem.
How would you advise doing this--by hand--with a tiny rolled hem? As the dress came, the chiffon isabout 1 1/4" longer than the satin all the way around, and is anchored to fall this way at sideseams. Should I taper the 6" front hem [with chiffon about 1/4" longer than satin], slowly til it's about 11/4", like it came?
The second question is on the bustle. This dress has covered buttons all the way down the train, and it seems very much like one of your examples where you used a pickup bustle. The bride loves the look of the Pickup bustle (outer) with the one point. [She did not like the inverted pickup bustle.] In reality, when
the bustle is rigged, the sides drag the ground since the side seams are not being hemmed. She indicated it was fine with her to have the sides drag ground. Given that she did not want the sides hemmed, I was not sure anything else to suggest if she _had not wanted it to drag--there is no waist point or decoration to attach any other outer bustle anchor points to. Could you suggest what to try here if the bride in fact did not want the sides to drag?
Again, thank you so very much for sharing your time and wisdom. I really, really appreciate it.
Sincerely, Becky
Hi Becky,
You have a lot of issues here. Let me try to hit them one by one.
Your bride might have been "advised" to purchase a size 4 because that was the smallest size the manufacture
rmakes.
The length of the hem is a bride's wish. I start at 1" because that's a comfortable length that many brides like. I do my best to teach the brides all the reasons why this is a good length, but in the end it's her choice that counts and if she says she can walk comfortable and gratefully in a hem that touches the floor, I do it that way.
I try to set the layers at 1/2 drop from satin to chiffon. I like that look better, but if the bride wants the original drop ratio I do that.
Chiffon is a nasty fabric that does not cooperate with seamstresses. I have found ways of dealing with it's character that work for me. To do a rolled hem I machine sew a folded line 1/8" lower than the hem pins, trimthe fabric 1/16" from this line, turn the folded edge up 1/16" and sew another line right on the fold.
As you have discovered, the bride can make poor choices in her hemming wishes that cause problems for you once you get to doing the bustle. Not hemming the gown across the whole front is a major one. If a bride wishes to make this decision, she needs to be informed that the sides will drag when bustled before the hem is sewn. If she says this is ok, then you do what she wishes but protect yourself by making a big deal of it so she can't blame you for guests stepping on her dragging sides at her reception.
I have one example of a bride who wanted this in my bustle pictures. I set the whole train so it gave the samedrag as the sides did. It's the second set of pictures on this page: http://www.leanna.com/Bridal/MorePickup.shtml
The only other thing I do to solve dragging sides is set more bustle points to bring up the sides. This is usually undesirable for it often creates funny pulling effects in the sides area of the skirt. Generally, I spend a lot of time educating the bride at the hem stage to convince her that dragging sides is not a good idea.
Good Luck with your bride.
~Lea
added August 2007
I have a problem saying no. I always squeeze people in and then I get stressed. Then it seems the ones yougo out of your way for are the ones that complain. I just had one bridesmaid today. She had a fitting before and we were going to take the dress out in the bust. That was the only alteration it needed. Well, she comes back for a fitting, pregnant, and it is now my fault that it doesn’t fit in the hips! She told me she wasn’t paying for alterations because I did such a shoddy job. I told her the money didn’t matter to me, but I didn’t want the rest of the bridesmaids coming in expecting free alterations because she threw a fit.
Yes, I could have held onto the dress until she paid, but it wasn’t worth the whopping $12 I was charging her.
Sorry, didn’t mean to start complaining. Just when I was thinking how I’d only had happy brides lately, then I have to deal with bridesmaidzilla! I have more problems with bridesmaids and moms than I do with brides. I had one mom that kept having a fit because the dress still touched the floor after it was bustled. I don’t know about you, but most brides I work with, do want it still sweeping the floor in back.The mom kept yelling “It can’t touch the floor!”. Now mind you this is a garden wedding for which the train will be down, but it is not allowed to touch the floor during the reception. Oops, there I go again.
Well, happy sewing!
Wow, she got pregnant and it's
your fault? Golly, some people! I have a new rant on my site about women letting themselves get pregnant and then claiming it was something that happened to them, like they had no choice in the matter. I can be a real hard case when it comes to ladies pulling stuff like that on me. I do not let them walk on me. I do good work and I know it. So do they. They are simply pulling this sh!t to get at you because they don't want to admit they are truly responsible.
Hang in there, Lynanne, and don't let them get you down. I know how hard it can get. I'll make you a deal - You are welcome to write any complaints here any time, if it's ok that I can write some to you too.
~Lea
added October 2004
I own a bridal store. A plus size bride bought a gown for $600.00. She later brought in a friend when we were swamped, along with a large bridal party. They also purchased from us bridal gown and maids dresses. The bride was upset that the $98.00 dollar gown was going to cost her more because she was a plus size. Her fiance came in a few days later to complain how we hurt her feelings and made her cry. We were dumbfounded. We wrote her a note of apology, absorbed the cost and treated her and three other guests to a breakfast buffet at an elegant restaraunt. For her four bridesmaids, the suggested retail was $160.00 we charged $135.00 and gave free jewelry valued at $29.95. Two of her girls wanted to diet because they didn't want to pay the plus size fee. One measured size 22 but wanted size 16. I ordered a 16 & 20, just in case. The other measured size 26 but wanted a 22. I ordered a 22 and a 24. I showed the ladies the charts in advance and the prices that were additional. I don't pull extra charges out of the air but I do curb them in cases like these. She felt that I did a poor job in measuring since her girls needed alterations and that they needed an apology and retribution. The dresses were late due to a new staff member at P.C. Mary's who screwed our order up and the company backs us up. I gave my home phone number out and offered to come out after store hours so they could pick up their dresses, which they weren't anxious to pick up. I feel I went above and beyond what would you do? Kathy
A bride bought a $600 gown from you, paying only $98.00 and had the gall to complain? And then had her groom complain too??? You got taken. I'm against shop owners treating brides poorly, but it goes the other way too. It's sometimes better to let some customers walk than to worry about the money you are loosing. The customers in this party were not worth your kindness and I bet you had many nights of headaches for your great efforts inpleasing these silly women. They are not the type to give out any recommendations to friends, and if they do you really don't want more of this type of customer. I would have advised you to stand firm on the prices at the beginning and if the customer doesn't like it - let them walk! It keeps the question on the prices and doesn't give them an opportunity to effect you personally. Trying to explain and teach them doesn't usually help matters.They get to thinking you are simply making stuff up to save yourself the trouble of doing it the way they want.
That's one of the reasons I started the Bridal section of my site. To educate brides before they go to the store so the store can do a better job for them. There is so much brides don't understand about the processes of getting their gown. It's so very different from buying other clothing that it's hard for a first time bride to know what she is getting into.
You did everything in you power to please these ladies. Aside from the trouble your supplier gave you, you should be proud of the fine service you provided. Orders often come in late even when no mistakes are made. Brides need to chill about stuff like this. Just remember that your desire to please your customers needs to be balanced with making the profit your business needs to survive. It's sometimes a hard choice to make, but by what you have written, I think you have what it takes. Some customers will never be pleased no matter what you do for them.
~Lea