Welcome to Leanna Studios

Family Matters

What to Expect at your Bridal Fittings

You Marry a Family


Family Does Matter very much to any bride, her family and the family she is marrying into. That’s why we have public weddings in the first place, to share the happiness with our family and friends. But the other side of that expression is that Family often Creates Matters that the bridal couple needs to navigate. 

  • Traaaditiooon! Tradition, -ba-ba-ba-ba-ba TRADITION!!

    Fiddler on The Roof – the best example of a great story that tells the tale of how family and weddings jive or don’t.  Any bridal couple has to find a way to balance her Families’ respect for tradition with their own wishes to present themselves for this public expression of the start of their married life together.  

  • Including Family in the planning

    It's hard for a bride to include anyone in her wedding choices. She is either overwhelmed by all the requests from family, or labeled a bridezilla for insisting on "her" way. It's a delicate balance for sure, but important to any couple to negative, for you will be dealing with this new family for the rest of your life.

  • Dealing with Disappointment

    So, what if a valued family member or longtime friend doesn't want to be included in your wedding joy? Maybe they refuse to answer your RSVP because they can't bring their children or a new spouse, or significant other.  A bride and groom need to see other people's issues as theirs, not yours.  You have enough to think about in wedding planning to let someone's issues taint your happy day.  Take a step back and look at the situation, if you can find a way to include them on your terms, that's great.  If not, don't let it spoil your joy.  Wedding planning is a microcosm of what you will face for the rest of your life together.  Set the spirit here for the 2 of you to talk these issues out, find a path forward, then move on. 

  • The Unexpected

    We expect our Friends and Family to behave at their best for our celebration and it's disheartening when someone goes off their rocker and threatens to spoil our carefully planned day.  Maybe they do bring unruly children when specifically told not to, or show up with that despised ex-girlfriend who you haven't found a way to forgive. What do you do then.  It's sad but wise to plan for the unexpected.  A professional wedding planner has seen many situations and has successful advice to share that an inexperienced couple can well use.  I'd advise every bridal couple to hire one.  When the dreaded unexpected thing become reality, they can be your scape goat and handle the issue with graciousness and charm.  A Seasoned Wedding Planner is well worth what they charge to protect your happy day and keep it blissful. Insurance you want to have. 

  • Be Outstanding but don't Stand Out

    Family members, especially moms, have a quandary in choosing their garment for a wedding. It has ever been proper etiquette to let the Bride be the focal point and THE most beautiful person at the wedding, but you also want to look GOOD.  To avoid outshining your bride, think of it as being Outstanding, but NOT Standing Out.

  • Divorced Parent Dynamic

    It is widely known that 50% of marriages end in divorce. We can therefore conclude that there is a 75% chance that 1 or both sets of bridal/groom parents at a wedding will be divorced. This takes on an even more difficult dynamic if 1 of these divorced parents has recoupled or even remarried and the other has not. 


    This can lead to all sorts of difficulties with hurt/unresolved feelings and the dredging up of old conflicts.  I have witnessed and heard of countless stories of bad behavior at weddings by one or both divorced parents and/or their new partner(s).  I have also seen and heard of poor behavior from the marrying couple.  All of you are supposed to be adults and need to act accordingly.


    To deal with this dynamic, I refer to the advice of my number 1 Sage: Judge Judith Sheindlin, "Divorced Parents should love their children more than they hate each other." 


    Parents need to restrain themselves for the sake of their children, not only when they are still youngin’s, but through their whole lives and certainly during their nuptials.  


    On a wedding day, Love should rule everyone’s behavior.  Selfishness and unresolved issues need to be set aside.  The happiness of the marrying couple and sharing that joy with family, however that is defined, is the only benchmark. 


The Mother Wave


Most brides want help making decisions for her all-important gown choices.  After picking THE dress, there are many decisions to make for the fitting and bustling that most engaged women have little experience or preparation for.  For some, this is the first dress they have ever worn, let alone it being a formal gown.  So they look to "Mom" for advice.


I will never be a Mother of a Bride, but I have watched many Moms over my 40 plus career in the bridal industry and I have noticed a trend.  At the start of my working with brides, they always brought Mom to their fittings, and even the occasional Dad.  Through the years I have seen brides bring a Step Mom or Grandma, then some Moms-in-Law-to-be have filtered in, and then Trusted friends or even a sister or 2.  Most recently, brides are meeting me alone. 


It is always the bride's wish to get positive input on her choices but it doesn't always end up that way.  Often, clashes is these "Moms' " personalities arise that leave a bride baffled and confused.


  • The Riptide

    Dealing with an overbearing personality in your "Mom" is difficult during wedding planning and certainly at your bridal gown fittings. Her advice might be rooted in tradition where you and your groom might want a more informal occasion.  Same goes for the bridal gown choices for hemming, fitting and bustling.  Moms often get outspoken during a fitting and the bride can end up dazed and confused.  Not a pleasant experience for her or me, as I try to steer her toward wise choices.  I will listen to a Mom, but I always guide the conversion back to the bride and keep the focus on her desires. 

  • Ebb Tide

    If Moms are giving only negative comments during the bridal fittings it places the bride in a poor mood. 


    Sure, it's important to be honest but pointing out a negative item must be balanced with giving solution options.  I do my best to interject several solutions for the bride to choose from, never just dictate what she "has to" do.  

  • Flood Tide

    The Flood Tide, an abundance of positive support, can also be overwhelming if the bride is seeing little flaws she'd like to fix and may feel she is being ignored. 


    Here, I try to point out items I am seeing and again give options for fixes until the bride can smile and say the gown looks and feels perfect to her. 

One Stepmother's Saga


The wedding day was fast approaching. Everything was ready, and nothing could dampen Jennifer's excitement, not even her parents' nasty divorce. Her mother, Sheila, finally found the PERFECT dress to wear and would be the best dressed mother of the bride EVER!


A week later, Jennifer was horrified to learn her new young stepmother, Barbie, had purchased the same dress. She asked Barbie to exchange the dress, but Barbie refused, "Absolutely not! I'm going to wear this dress; I'll look like a million in it!"


Jennifer told her mother, who graciously replied, "Never mind dear. I'll get another dress, after all it's your special day, not hers."


Two weeks later, another dress was finally found. When they stopped for lunch, Jennifer asked her mother, "What are you going to do with the first dress? Maybe you should return it. You don't have any place to wear it."


Sheila grinned and replied, "Of course, I do, dear! I'm wearing it to the rehearsal dinner!"



Departed Parents


As it is sometimes difficult dealing with divorced parents, it is often difficult dealing with a missing parent.  If the bride's father has passed, who walks her down the isle?  If the groom's Mom has passed, who does he share the Groom/Mom dance with?


I have seen many ways that marrying couples honor their missing, but still loved parents:


  • Keepsake Jewelry

    Either bride or groom can wear an article of jewelry from the deceesed parent, or the bride can have it in her bouque or sewn onto her keepsake garder.  

  • Placement Sign

    A well placed sign marking the missing Parent can be placed in their Pew Seat or their place at the reception table.  It can be hand made or there are many companies that offer lovely, personalised signage. Here are just a few I found on etsy:


    A draping banner

    A picture plaque

    A framed notice

    A self standing table sign

    A self standing floor sign

    A wooden sign



  • Balloon

    Some may think this silly, but I saw a video of an outdoor wedding where the bride carried a simple, white, helium balloon down the isle to represent her departed Dad. When she got to the front and met her groom, she released the balloon.  It made me cry. 


    TikTok video

Our Visitors ask Questions



  • Mother of the Bride dress needs

    added January 2010


    Hi Leanna, 


    I found your website this evening and enjoyed it so much that I have stayed up late trying to read every question and answer. Your words make so much sense and I agree with you on just about everything including pregnant bridesmaids. My only daughter is getting married in June and she's chosen to have only unmarried girls for her bridesmaids... as she says, well, why else do you call them maids? I've been having a ball helping my daughter. She is a darling and we are both having lots more fun than we ever expected. You may interested to hear that her bridesmaids will be in pale rainbow colors (I read on one of your pages that style hadn't been in fashion for a while -- well, we're bringing it back.) This is not a question about my daughter's dress as she found one off the rack that is gorgeous and fits her wonderfully well, helped because it is a corset style that ties in back. It will not need any alterations except some hemming and she's waiting for her shoes to arrive before that happens. Her dress is long and decorated with sequins and embroidery... too fancy for her morning rose-garden wedding but we don't mind being a little over-the-top. You are so right that when the bride feels good about her dress, everything else seems to fall into place. In fact, right after she got her dress, I found the perfect one for myself. That's why I'm writing, the dress is almost perfect. It is a size 1X and I'm a short 16, so it's about a size and a half too big but it was the last one at one of my favorite stores and I loved the color and the fabric and (mostly) the style. It is lined but fairly unstructured to the point of being almost shapeless. There are standard darts, but no zipper -- it just pulls over my head. There's a series of three overskirts and an unstructured long jacket with unlined sleeves. I'm describing this just in case the pictures don't come through.


    My plan is to shorten the dress about an inch in the shoulder seams as the bust and the armholes are huge. I've pinned that up and it seems to be fine. I thought I'd add some elastic following the lower half of the armholes to further shore them up without having to open any more seams. I also am thinking I'll sew in a new bra with a little padding. All that is pretty straightforward.


    Here's where I get iffy. I want to give the dress a little more shape and emphasize my chest. I thought I'd add some elastic in front under the breasts at the bra level and again in back to give it an empire waist look -- maybe one row of elastic, maybe two, probably just between the darts. I'm a little worried about taking the dress in and then having trouble getting it on and off. I'm also thinking of running elastic down the seams of the arms of the jacket to lightly gather the fabric while making the arms about two inches shorter without having to hem them.


    The dress length is to my ankles and I want it to be tea length. I could just cut off one of the over skirts and hem up the lining but I have this idea of bustling it to shorten it (which is how I came across your website). I'm leery of cutting the dress, because some day I may want to wear it long. When I pinch the sides for this and tuck the top of the lowest skirt between the top one and lining, I think it makes it look cute -- like a froth of ruffly skirts -- while effectively bringing up the hem four or five inches in front, maybe a little less in back. I think I can do it with two points of bustling on each side (each using a pair of ribbons for a total of eight ribbons). I'm wondering what you think? Have you ever heard of the Mother of the Bride dress getting the bustle treatment just to make the dress shorter? I don't mind being the first one to ever do this but if there is a drawback, I want to know. 


    Thanks again for your website. I love you no-nonsense attitude and appreciate how you've so generously helped others.


    Kind regards,

    Patty


    Hi Patricia, 



    I love your dress and your idea of sewing elastic to add shape. I think it should look great. 


    I too try to find ways to do for my own garments that give me options for wearing at some later occasion. I would look at the layers in your skirt and see if a hem can be basted at the layer tops to shorten the dress for the wedding and remove the bastings for your wanting to wear it long at some future occasion. I do this often for slips of wedding gowns because otherwise it's a lot of work to hem the tiered linings. I simply sew a tuck at the tier seam. I can't see inside the dress but this might be a good solution for you.


    ~Lea

  • Feeling a little left out of "the fun."

    added May 2006


    Hi! I just found your studio pages while looking for some info on sewing rooms.


    Both of my older daughters are being married within the next 6 months, and all I can say is, I wish they lived in Cincinnati! I would love to be able to send them to you for their gown alterations---you are knowledgeable, ethical & skilled.


    As far as I know, neither of them is having trouble with their gowns. Both have been living on their own for some time & I am merely a guest at these affairs, and have nothing (yet) to do with gowns, wedding preps etc. In a way, a blessing, but I admit I am feeling a little left out of "the fun." As long as it still is fun. I suppose if it stops being fun they will be on the phone to me looking for advice in no time.


    God bless you for the wonderful work you do for your customers & also the seamstresses you are advising!


    Elly 


    How sweet of you to write. Yes, it's common for Moms to find themselves in your situation now-a-days. Women waiting a little longer than they used to to get married often means that they are well grown and off on their own. Already used to being self sufficient, they often keep all the fun of wedding planning to themselves. They don't often see that their loved ones would like to be envolved. I like to see it as a good thing. It means they are more mature and probably more able to make this big step in life. 


    I'm sure your girls are doing just fine. There are many great sewing specialists around this nation. Those who go into bridal don't stay long if they don't have their hearts in the right place. 

    ~Lea


    Hi! I opened my email yesterday to find your lovely note! Thank you so much!


    I am afraid I have to disagree with you about brides who "don't see that (loved one or whoever) would like to be involved." While it is certainly convenient for parents not to have to run around doing all that prewedding stuff (can't say I dislike that! : -- D ), if girls are unable to see things from another's perspective, or think of others' feelings on something, it is not a sign of maturity. I think if anything, it is a warning that rough times are ahead for them in their new marriages, until they are able to open their eyes & think ahead a little into possible effects on others, of their actions. 


    I'm sure you see plenty of this, in your business--brides who want all the maids in the same dress, including the heavy girls, or an expensive model dress & some of the girls must stretch way too far to buy it, etc etc. 


    We Moms all know that it won't be long before the brides are doing nothing all day & night long except thinking of others' needs---babies & toddlers can't live into childhood unless their parents are always anticipating possible consequences of some choice on the part of the parent, like leaving the back door unlocked, answering the phone while child is in tub, etc etc. Babies can't say in words their tummy hurts, or there is a rash, or there is a thread wrapped around their toe from the sleepsuit; all they can do is cry. Their Moms will get their training in sensitivity to others' needs, feelings, health problems, etc, in spades, before long! 


    I am seriously thinking of strongly encouraging the third child to take a year between high school & college to work---half the year for pay (needed for college!) and half as a volunteer, to give her eyes into lives & situations other than her own little orbit. Whatever college she gets into won't care---they will probably be delighted to be getting a more mature & thoughtful freshman a year later. 


    God bless!


    You make a lot of excellent points. Yes, I do meet some girls that I wish I could tell to not do this. Most are great ladies who are ready, but now and then I get one who so obviously isn't it makes me want to cry. 


    I get the goofiest questions from the site too. One bride asked me how to decide which co-maid of honor to demote because she realized they didn't get along and she didn't want any tension on her special day. She explained that the 2 girls were her bestest friends and she couldn't decided which to have as maid of honor so she asked both and now she needed to get rid of one. I told her no matter what she did she would be loosing both as friends. 


    Another bride asked me how to tell her guests in the invitation that she wanted to have a money tree (You know - a stick type thing that people tie money wrapped in tin foil onto) at the reception and she didn't want any gifts. I didn't even try to answer that one.


    It's so interesting the people who write me. I learn a lot from them, even if it's what NOT to do. 


    Thank you for writing and please do let me know how your daughters weddings turn out. 


    ~Lea

  • Flower girl in multiple weddings

    added May 2006


    Thanks for putting up this site. It has a lot of helpful information.


    I also have a questions. My daughters have been invited to be in two weddings this Fall about two months apart. Both are for family members and one has even offered to use the same flower girl dress. But, the dresses one bride selected has a sash/tie on it which of course, matches her brides' maid dresses. What's the possibility that the sashes/ties could be removed and switched to match the color of the other bride?


    Thanks, allison


    This is very common. I've done it many times for flower girls in more than one wedding. It's a great way to save on buying 2 dresses. 


    ~Lea

  • Mom Wearing Black???

    added June 2003


    MY DAUGHTER IS GETTING MARRIED APRIL 5 AT 4:30 IN THE AFTERNOON.


    I AM THE MOTHER OF THE BRIDE. I AM WALKING HER DOWN THE ISLE.


    THE MEN ARE WEARING BLACK TUX AND THE BRIDESMAIDS ARE WEARING SILVER.


    IS IT PROPER FOR ME, THE MOTHER OF THE BRIDE TO WEAR A BLACK GOWN SINCE I AM WALKING HER DOWN THE ISLE AND GIVING HER AWAY?


    PAM 


    I don't know about proper, but I think it's a wonderful idea. You, as Mother of the bride can really wear whatever you please. Most Mom's try to pick something discrete and elegant, befitting their station. But really you can pick anything, and I've seen some really odd choices. And I love your idea. As long as your daughter loves it too, I'd say go for it.


    ~Lea

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