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Bridesmaid Gown Shopping Rules

Shopping for Bridesmaid's dresses is a separate matter from the bridal gown. Though all the rules on the bridal gown page do apply there are several others to consider.

  • #1. Pleasing several ladies who are different body types with one dress style is a BIG challenge.

    For hundreds of years it has been a firm tradition for all bride's maids to wear the same dress. I have no idea where this started but it is the source for much dissension in wedding planning. Take 6 women who have been relatives and best friends all their life and ask them to were a dress of the bride's choosing and you are asking for trouble. Either the color is not good for some of them or the style doesn't flatter their figures. One size does not fit all. 


    Many brides try to solve this predicament by letting the maids decide on the dress. OK, now you have 6 differing opinions of what dress they should wear. Instead of one person imposing on the rest, all are trying to have their wishes win because it's expensive to be a bride's maid and each would like to invest their hard earned money in a dress that isn't going to be trashed as soon as the reception is over. 


    There are other options. 


    One that I have seen many brides use is to choose a fabric and/or color and then let each maid pick her style of dress. Many bridal salons can help you with this easily because the dress companies are set up to use the same fabrics for several lines of designs. This makes it rather easy to choose from a good range of styles using the same fabric. 


    And if that isn't a wide enough choice for you, there's the option of purchasing fabric and making dresses of various styles. You can sometimes even have the option of various types of fabric in the same color when special ordering fabric. That could lead to some interesting options. 


    There is also the option of picking a simple dress design and letting each maid pick a color. Rainbow weddings were quite the style a bit ago. I haven't seen one recently, but it's worth thinking about.


    The neatest wedding I have attended recently was an evening wedding where the bride went with the pick-a-fabric option. She picked black velvet. I know many of you are cringing right now, but black has become a perfectly acceptable color, and very elegant too. For the wedding I attended, each maid picked a dress to flatter her figure in the black velvet. It was absolutely lovely. 


    The style of dress has many options too. You do not have to get long gowns from a bridal salon. A big trend I have noticed lately is brides finding lovely special occasion dresses at stores like Talbots that have options for getting many dresses in varying sizes from their network of stores. This option is great because the dress has a higher chance of reuse to the maid. Many bridal designers have also noticed this trend and have started putting out shorter hem length designs that are less formal and multi use.

  • #2. What to do with a Pregnant Bridesmaid.

    The options listed above apply here too with these extra ideas:


    Option #1 - Avoid them. 


    I've gotten in a lot of hot water for this opinion, but it is a valid option. You can avoid choosing a lady who is either trying to or already is pregnant for a bride's maid, even if it is your closest friend or your favorite sister. There are other honorable places your dear friend can be in your wedding without the hassle of fitting her pregnant body into a bride's maid dress that is not designed to either fit or flatter her. It's hard enough fitting several figure types that are fairly stable without throwing in a wild card. Besides, most maid's dresses are designed for a teen figure. Even trying to fit a mature non pregnant women in them is a problem.


    If you need this dear friend in your wedding, give her the honor of being your Hostess and let her choose a dress of her liking that will both blend well with your color scheme and flatter her figure. 


    I get asked all the time about planning for pregnant maids. What is the best size to order? How should I time the alterations? The bridal salon said that all I have to do is order a yard of extra fabric and alterations will be a breeze? I can't say this strongly enough - You can not plan for pregnancy. You can only guess and cross your fingers. There is no way to predict how a woman's body is going to react to this pregnancy, even if it's not her first. And it's not just a female's stomach that is a concern here - Everything changes. Bust size can change from the first month. 


    In recent years the bridal industry has become kinder to this situation and designing gowns that can be more easily altered. Just this year I have seen a few customers with convertible gowns from companies who offer one style for the maids and a similar style for pregnant matrons. It is a very welcome sign that mature figures are not being ignored by the industry as they used to be. Some day, we may see that the problem of a pregnant brides' maid is not a problem at all.


    Option #2 - Re-designate Her.


    If you feel you just really, really need to have this dear friend/sister be a maid, make her a Matron of Honor and let her choose a different dress from the other maids, maybe the same color or fabric. Even if you have a Maid of Honor, you are allowed both. The idea here is to give her a place that both honors your relationship to her and her very real physical need to have a different dress from the other maids.


    Option #3 - All maids wear a style that flatters a pregnant figure.


    OK, lets say you already have a Matron of Honor that is a sister to your groom and you do not wish to create a huge rift in the already shaky interfamily relationships you are both trying to build. Your pregnant friend has to be a maid. And lets say you or your maids all want the same dress, so that choosing different styles so your one pregnant maid can wear a dress that works for her, is out. Your last option is to choose a dress that works for the pregnant maid, but does not look horrible on the others. It's not a bad option for many pregnant dresses are quite stylish, just fuller fitting than most young non pregnant ladies like. 


    The good choice you can make here is an empire waist dress with either gathers or some other kind of fullness at the waist. These are not really in style right now but can be found. A better choice would be to find something that also has give in the bust area. 


    Option #4 - Extra Fabric


    You also have the option mentioned above that many bridal salons offer. Buy a yard of fabric when ordering the dresses so that it is the same die lot as the dresses. This allows the making of gussets (a piece of fabric sewn into seams to make them larger) that match well and therefore look better because they are of the same fabric as the dresses. But I do not recommend this option because gussets, even when they are the same fabric, simply look awful, and only advertise - "Hey, this lady is too fat for her dress".


    You really don't need a yard of fabric to make gussets, but you can't order less. A better option would be to order enough fabric to make a whole new front panel for the dress. This works best with the empire waist discussed above and you probably won't need more that 2 yards for this alternative.


    Option #5 - Order a size up


    Most bridal salons advise this one and it's a great idea if you know you are pregnant when the dress is ordered and you will be 4 or more months along at the time of the wedding. Depending on the design of the gown this option has worked nicely for many maids I have done alterations for. 

  • #3 The Dresses are already ordered and a Maid that didn't intend to, gets pregnant.

    Option #1 - Re-designate Her.


    This is the same as option #2 above, but here you also have to figure out what to do with her dress that is not returnable. Simply finding another friend who is close to her size to be a maid works. Or you can eat the cost of the dress for your pregnant maid and be thankful you are not in her shoes - pregnant brides don't have this many options. 


    Option #2 - Alter the dress to fit her.


    There are several things that can be done to alter dresses, some better than others. I have been able to fit pregnant maids in several ways, but it does nothing to help the nerves of a bride or the pregnant maid. If the situation warrants it, yes, most any dress can be made to fit, but the cost is high in labor for me and tension for my brides and maids. I don't like this option and it should only be used if absolutely no other way can be found.


    Since writing this section many years ago I have received many angry letters from brides thinking I am cruel and uncaring to suggest that they can not have their sister in their wedding just because they are pregnant. I don't believe I said that anywhere on this page. What I am saying is that a bride has options that can make the whole situation less stressful for everyone. Everyone has heard of bridezilla stories. There's even a TV show about them. I have hoped that the pages of my site would be a source to brides and their families to help people avoid these situations with straight forward talk about the difficult subjects that weddings create. 


    I am sticking my neck out here to give these options a voice. Not many bridal people will dare to say these things but I think need to be said. If you find something helpful in my opinions I am very happy. If you think I'm just a nut case who has no heart than I suggest you examine yours before you take these vows. 


    Isn't love the point of why we are doing this in the first place? I have worked with many differing situations with brides and their maids over the years and the smoothest, happiest experiences have been when the bride cares enough for her friends and family to listen to options that might not have been in her original vision of her perfect dream wedding but that could make her dream vision an even better reality. 

Bridesmaid Gown Shopping Rules

Our Visitors ask Questions


  • Hemming Chiffon Lining?

    added October 2010


    Dear Leanna,


    I have quick question. My Chiffon gown needs to be hemmed (well cut & hemmed) . I noticed in the picture of which the dress was displayed ... the inner slip was about a 1/2 or 1 inch shorter then the chiffon. Is the right proper way that my tailor should do it? Or should the inner slip and outer chiffon be the same length? Thank you


    Sincerely

    Angela


    Hi Angela,


    It is normal for a chiffon lining to be shorter then the chiffon. It is extremely difficult to get them both exactly the same so most hems are done so the chiffon is a little longer, sometimes up to 2" longer. This picture looks about 1 1/2" difference to me. I try for a 1/2" difference when I do chiffon hems. I like that look.

    ~Lea


  • Too Big or Deal with Arm Pit Flubber?

    added February 2008


    Hi Leanna, 


    I came across your site while searching for some answers online. You have quite a bit of expertise in dresses!


    The 2 questions that I wanted to run by you is with regard to bodice sizing and alterations. 


    1. I'm a bridesmaid in a friend's wedding and we recently ordered our gowns. I fit into a size 8, but with a bit of armpit flab (strapless gown). The 10 is a big big on me, but no flab. I went with the size 10 based on the bridal consultant's recommendation to go bigger, since the dress cannot be taken out without significant work. (Its a strapless satin A-line with ruching to one side). Do you think that was the correct sizing choice?


    2. The dress can be taken in up to 2 sizes without compromising the line and structure. Silly question, but does that mean 2 dress sizes? For example, does that mean that my 10 can be taken in to a 6 in places? Or does it mean that it can be taken in to an 8? I think that I will definitely need the dress taken in to be an 8 pretty much all over (except where the arm flab comes in!!) and if I lose any weight, I may need it a bit smaller in the waist.


    Please let me know what you think and thanks so much for your help!


    Sincerely, Heather 


    It is always wiser to go larger when you are in between sizes. Many ladies plan to diet for a wedding and only you can say if your determination is enough to ensure that you will lose the weight you need to for the smaller size. Also, it's impossible to predict where your body will decide to loose it's weight even if you know you are able to be dedicated enough to the diet. 


    The armpit flab thing happens even to very skinny ladies. So, it's really hard to prevent if you know it is a factor. Part of the problem is that many ladies think that a strapless gown needs to be tight all over. It needs to be tight only at the waist. The neckline should be only resting on your skin, not tight at all to prevent the flab in the armpit and back areas.


    Whoever told you the dress can be taken in 2 sizes needs to define this to you. They may mean what I would think it means, but if they do not then I cannot say for certain what they meant. I do not know them. When I say this, I mean what you have stated, but again - I cannot speak for anyone else's meaning of what they said to you. 

    ~Lea



  • Best Flower Girl Dress Side seam Method

    added August 2008


    Love your website!


    I need to take in the bodice of a silk, polyester lined, flower girl's dress with short set in sleeves. The lining is attached at the sleeves, but not at the waist as it is attached to a separate crinoline. Must I take the bodice apart or is it possible to simply stitch in about 3/4 inch on each side of the bodice? The sleeve is slightly large as well. Is there a way to take tucks in that without it bunching up?


    Thanks

    Dorrine


    You can do it either way. It depends on how much you want to put into it. Simply sewing up the side without taking apart anything is a viable method, but it's not proper. I would never do that unless I was in a pinch and doing a favor for a friend. The proper way is to take apart the armhole seam and waistline, take in the side outer and lining fabric separately, take in the sleeve as necessary, and then sew the underarm and waist seams back. 


    Many a flower girl dress is used for only the wedding day and if that is your situation, than it might not make sense for you to put in the extra effort to do the alteration properly. A quicky sewing can look just fine if this dress is not going to be used again. Or if you do want to use it again, and the Girl has grown a little, it can easilly be let out. 

    ~Lea


  • Proper Bridesmaid Dress Size NOT Available

    added March 2008


    Hi. I am in a bridal party and this is the dress that has been chosen. All of the other bridesmaids already have this dress, but they did not have my size and the dress is on back order for 19 weeks when the wedding is in 6 weeks. All they could order me was a size 14 when I am a size 8 in this dress. I tried on the 14 and the seamstress said she could take it in at both sides and at the zipper in the back to make it fit. Will this work and look good? or do you think that it is just too big to alter?


    Thank you soooo much!


    That sounds like what I would do and it should be just fine. 

    ~Lea


  • Flower Girl Dress Gapping

    added December 2007


    The flower girl's dress gaps in the back that makes her back completely visible to anyone so inclined to look. What's the best approach for modifying it?


    For any dress I look first at the side seams. If I can take it in there, I can keep the garment symmetrical. But for flower girls I have often taken the excess in down the center back. If there is no center back seam one can be created. 

    ~Lea


  • Maid Alteration Choices to reduce Cost

    added January 2007


    Hi Leanna,


    Wow! What a great site. I think you are giving GREAT advice. I've read almost all the links but wanted to verify a couple of things being responsible for ordering the bridesmaid dresses (GULP!)


    The following link has the information for the dresses we are going to wear.


    http://www.jasminebridal.com/html/web1/b2_2_photo1.asp?id=1101

    http://www.jasminebridal.com/html/web1/b2_2_photo2.asp?id=1101


    Unfortunately, you can't see the details of the dress. At the top of the bust line, there are 4 pleats of organza (ironed in) The pleats that you see on the front and back are symmetrical (left and right side) although you don't see that in the pictures. There is a waist seam which is potentially covered by the ribbon (because the organza pleats in the skirt are actually sewn in).


    1) The outer layer is organza - there are 2 layers under that at the level of the skirt. - I am 5' tall and when I tried on the size 10 sample - it came to my ankles. - I also have a short torso, so when I tried the dress, the "natural waist" was a low waist on me. When the waist was in normal position, the top of the strapless dress dug into my armpits and the top of the dress was to my collar bone.


    How would you alter this dress? Would hemming the organza be too difficult? I read how you hate the material. How do you alter the torso of the dress? - I also read how separating the seams, cutting the torso, and reattaching the skirt can change the look of the dress because the skirt attaching to the base of the torso would be bigger than before (as well as alter the position of the skirt pleats). - 3 girls are tall (so no problems for them), my other co-bridesmaid is 1-2" taller, and I feel that perhaps this type of alteration may be a bit much.


    2) For this type of dress, what is the easiest measurement to alter (bust, waist, hip)? Because it is an A-line, I don't think the hip really needs to be considered (unless it is more than 1 size larger), correct? Since this is strapless, with boning, it seams as if the waist is the most important measurement (If the bust is smaller, I think you said it can be easily adjusted by taking in the side seams). Or if the bust is bigger than the waist, then the bust is most important and take in the waist w/ the side seams, correct? - But in this case, would the A-line shape be altered because of how it attaches to the skirt?


    Thank you for all the information.


    Laura (stressed out MOH - maid of honor)


    Are you ever going to wear this dress after the wedding? Depending on this I advise bride's maids on alterations because the expense of drastic alterations is often out of the budget for a one-time-use garment.


    If the answer is yes, then it may be worth it to you to do the waist alteration to shorten the bodice and raise the skirt. In my pricing system it would not be less than $80 and could be much more because the Organza is not a fabric that cooperates when you are doing major alterations. If the sides need adjusting also it will add another $40 or more. 


    If the answer is no, then I would advise you to do as little as possible to the dress for you are wearing it for only one day and tossing it. It is not worth the money and stress to do the major alterations. I would hem it at the bottom and not do anything to the bodice. This could cost around $60. You may be a little uncomfortable for the day not having it fit perfectly, but it is usually ok looking.


    What is the most important place to alter is often up to the individual maid. Most think the bodice is the most important. A bride is often more interested in the hems being all the same. The store is going to order sizing according to the largest measurement, so you really don't have any choice in the matter. If your bust is larger than your waist it is going to be ordered by that measurement and you will be looking at altering the waist in. A small bust is not always an easy thing to fix. I often end up padding it because the cost is less than messing with the seams. 


    Sometimes maids want everything possible done to their dress and then are shocked that it ends up costing over $200. They think that just because they are a maid it ought to be cheaper. Your question about the hips is an area that I advise not to bother with, but some maids want it taken in because they think the A-line look gives them fat looking hips. Well, on your dress that's 3 layers that need to be taken in separately. Besides, taking it in changes the style and that one maid will look different than the others. 


    All the things you are considering can be altered. It seems that you are the only body that is going to have problem areas that you are wanting changed. I'd need to see you in the dress to really advise you as to what to do. I do my best to give several options to get the look and fit she wants and let the maid decide what she wants to pay for. I have no idea what the Alterationist at your store will advise. But whatever she tells you is what you need to go with because she does not have my knowledge and experience. If I tell you to do one thing and she doesn't know how to do that then she just won't be able to do it.


    I don't know if this is of any help to you. I think I hit all the questions. Have you ordered the dresses yet or are you still in the decision stage?

    ~Lea


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